I'm just completing the 7th day of 2009 and it was like going thru a brand new year in a brand new way... And with or without anticipation, i t will absolutely a year with 'wonders' and 'challenge'!
At this point of time, finally I started to scene the 'seriousness' or the real impact of 'reality'...
I'm wonder whether I'm too positive or I'm just trying to be not that 'skeptic' abt reports in the newspapers or analysis made by experts ... and keep my thinking and emotion in positive mode all the time... I know that the situation is bad or we are at crisis now.. but.. I still tends to calm and ensure things is done at a proper ways.. but I always hear ppl screaming that since we are in 'crisis' things need to be done in a split second and MUST BE DONE and TARGET need to be ACHIEVED!
After much reflection of my career lives, to be frank; I'm ashamed of myself! Not to boast abt what the success that I have achieved for the company but in personal growth wise; I just felt that I'm not growing and started to move downwards instead of forward! Guess... I have given myself too much excuse that I have done my best and this is my best.. I HAVE STOPPED GROWING! and this is the DANGER!!!
Today, one of my colleague approaches me for advice and guidance as I'm one of the seniors or old folk that still survived... I've doing my very best to encourage and motivate her to be positive as I want her to 'recharge' once again so that she can continue fighting the war... But when I'm in the midst of persuading and advice her... internally I felt so guilty that I have even more negative emotion or emotionless towards what has happened around... I felt like a hypocrite! Oh God.. help me! As a senior... I have to encourage and pull ppl up.. I cant let down be as down as me.. otherwise the ship will sink... But.. I need fresh air...
It's great to have some talks with old friends and it helps to refresh myself... but sometimes the conversation will go head wire until every single 'nonsense' makes sense.. hahaha...
And this helps to bright the day!
As I reflected back when I'm still teenage, yes.. to be frank; I always hope to be grown up so that I have all the freedom I want to do whatever things that I like. My parents will have NO say to stop me from buying anything since I'm no longer using their money and no exams to worry about. But as I looked at myself. I have put one leg into career, one leg into studies and one hands to God's work and one hands for my own. Especially now... when the economy is so bad; not to mention what I read from news... but now I'm experiencing it... It is quite unbearable and tough for me to handle.. and the stress level is increasing every single days and I dont know how long I can stand it...!!
One things which I'm most disappointed was friend's betrayal which has further demotivated me! However, I truly understand that it's very common for everyone to take care of their rice bowl and own interested when crisis arises! Betrayal is hurt but good too so that I know that never ever put ur trust on people but ON GOD! Even I have been working for more than 5 yrs; however my 'exposure' to the 'world' is still very limited as everyone around me seems to be angels! I'm always the BLESSED one and I've counted myself BLESSED too. So I truly believed I have to out to the 'real world' to learn more lesson and protect myself more; ignorant and naive will kill me one day! So.. WAKE UP TRACY!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment