your way or the Highway?

Finally it's the end of my busy and hectic 'PR' job for my work stuff. It's great to get to know the person that you have being talking and mailings around 10-15 mails per day and never ever meet before for 5 yrs! It's not my first 'PR' task since working but it seems like my first 'PR' after my superior left and I have to go alone. :-(

Yes, for those who are reading this mail; you might be thinking.."Tracy, it's your chance now! Show all the colors that you have!" Yup, I don't deny that ever since my superior left, I have given more responsibilities and chances. It's pros and cons for me! It's a chance for me to grow and know how much colors that I have to show and use. But at the same time, I understand how hard my superior has fight and defend me previously and how i missed her!! Yes, I don't deny she is a tough one and all my colleagues are amazed on how I can work with her; but we just make the best team!

I have a very tough time yesterday to control my 'emotion' and I had never experience and 'uncontrollable' situation on my emotion especially during any biz meetings! I always kept my own 'professional rules and ways' when I'm at work. But yesterday, it's the first ever in my life that I knew the feeling of being trampled on the ground like an unwanted rose! My eyes are with tears (still inside the eye.. cant let it come out.. so... no one knows!) when I saw my 'ex' superior and it is in front of my guests! I felt so humiliated and why I have to 'suffer' here! Ppl keeps portrayed me as watever 'nonsense' senior and guiding a team .. bla bla bla... and then now.. they 'spit' onto my face in front of my guest and the team. And at the end, they said they are just trying to achieve the outcome to get more 'sales', 'power', and a kind of 'show off'? They claimed that 'it's an 'MOTIVATION' !! Hey guys... if anyone of u reading this and think that ppl spitting onto your face is motivational, be their guests!

I really thank God that I kept quite and be as speechless as possible! Even though how internally I have lost all the emotional control and started to getting tired of listening to any single word that they are talking. The longer that I stayed the faster I will burst out! To be frank, from that moment onwards I have opened up my eyes on the 'real world' on the so-called 'entrepreneur world'. For all the BOMBASTIC words that biz books teached on back-stabbing, red tape and office 'politics'.. I thought that i'm lucky that I dont need to go thru it... I'm absolutely wrong and too innocent to think of the escape!

There's a repeated questions on my mind now whether I should follow their way? the HIGHWAY? or my way? I have my own principles to keep and too much of insecurity and prudence is what I need the most! But will anyone appreciate it? will anyone praise you for this? NO!!!! What they will said is I'm in CRISIS and very DESPERATE!!!! GO and GET it DONE; this is WHY I PAY U so GET IT DONE, I WANT RESULT! How ironic it is when they want result at split second and u need to give them big bucks!

I'm sorry that this round no good testimony to share and it just another pages of my lives that I'm going thru now. I haven't emotionally recovered.... gives me time.. and if you got time.. pray for me.

May God be with you guys too.